nw talking to barret, it make me realise once again that the feeling of loneliness had always been there... lonely not becos i am single... just feel that no one understand me so i felt i am being left alone... even though i have alot of friends but i still feel lonely at times.... my msn contact list have alot of ppl's contact but who is/are the one who noe me well..?
i guess in the past until nw i guess no one really understand me well... cos i dun even understand myself... i dunnoe wat i wan... i dunnoe where to go... completely lost... one after another unhappy happening, i am really lost... my heart had died epecially after i gotten my o lvl result...
我的心死了，我也跟着迷路了。现在我只剩下躯壳。一个没了灵魂的躯壳。曾经一时，我的心再度活了起来。但很快就死了。它将永远沉睡下去， 再也没有苏醒的一天。
i really wish someone will understand me... whether is a gal friend or a guy friend... i just dun like the feeling of loneliness... in the past, i belive i am fine being alone... i dun need any friends... i am capable of doing anything without anyone help.... knowing josephine and yueling, especially ling had change my thinking... i think ling is the only one close to knowing the true me ba... sometime she understand me more than i noe abt myself...
when ppl grow up they will tend to think better and have to think deeper... i think i am think too deep liao ba... always aiming for perfect... nothing less than a perfect... that is y i like philosophy stuff... suddenly i rmb something my ss teacher in sec sch told me.... i was telling him something i read from a book: what u choose depend on who u r, who u r depend on wat u choose... i think it was quite true but he said it is experince that depend who u r and who u r depend on what experince u had gone through...i think that is even more suitable to say abt one's self than what i had read from the book... i had always rmb what he said even since then...
at some point in time i wish to go back to the past to change who i am today... i dun like who i am now but there is nth i can do to change.... cos of some experince i had gone through.... it is not sometime u wan to change and it can be changed... like being a crybaby... i told myself endless time... promise myself endless time not to cry anymore... but in the end i still cry... there is alot of things that is beyond human control and hard to change.... all this really matches wat my ss teacher had told me....
haha... i was talking abt feeling lonely de... suddenly talk abt other things... haha... die liao la... my mind is thinking deeper and deeper liao... haiz... sometime i am really lost and lonely i will wish that i will be granted a long slp.... i wished for the long slp but i have no gut to grant myself that... haiz...
i had been down this few days... just hope everything will be better from nw...
Labels: lonely and lost